June 10, 2014

Our child is heavy on my heart today. Wondering if they're born yet.........or if they were born today....or yesterday.....or if they'll be arriving into the world tomorrow! It's hard not knowing. But God knows. "Their frame is not hidden from You as they are made in the secret place, as they are woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes see their unformed body; all the days ordained for them are written in Your book, before even one of them will come to be." (my prayer from Psalm 139:15-16) It's hard not being in control. But God is in control. "Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10a) Rick Warren says: "Let go, and know that God is in control.....There is power when you surrender things you've been trying to take control of from Him." How true!

When we began this wonderful, crazy journey, we were told that our sweet child would be somewhere between the ages of 18-24 months (maybe younger!). Since this will be our first child, we were hoping for an infant, but we decided this age group was acceptable. (<--how pretentious of us!) Then, after a terrible incident at the beginning of the year, and the ever-changing Korean laws, the program has come to a slow-crawl. Now, the ages of the children coming home are between 30-36 months (and possibly getting older). As soon as I heard this, I wanted to cry. This isn't what we signed up for! Why was this happening? (It's amazing how quickly I am to forget God and His word!) Then, out-of-the-blue, a sweet, encouraging friend told me, "Our timelines [for their adoption] have been wrong time and time again. But through it all, the ONLY constant is what we hear from God. Each time (and it has been many) it has been 'MY plan. MY time.' My advice would be to give it up to God and hold very loosely to the timelines we are given from humans. God knows which child is already ordained to be in your family, and He will bring it to pass in HIS time. God will not give you more than you can handle." She encouraged me more than she will ever know. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I've never felt such a roller coaster of emotions before, as I have with this adoption process. From excitement to discouragement; from worry to peace; from anticipation to fear, from frustration to encouragement. Yet, through it all, God remains unchanging and forever faithful. He is our ONLY constant. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17) 

Ultimately, it's not about us. It never was. It never will be. When we learn that it's all for God and His glory, that is when we realize that the "small stuff" never really mattered.

"For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever. Amen." (Romans 11:36)