January 9, 2016

Happy New Year!! I can't believe it's already 2016! I am anticipating this year to be full of excitement, unknowns, frustration, love, patience-testing, heartache, laughter, tears, and pure joy!....buckle up :)

It's been almost exactly two months since my last post--and it's been an absolute roller coaster ride since November 20th, when we received EP Approval and Court Submission! Traveling to Missouri for the Holidays also made these past couple of months a little more crazy. If I'm honest, I really struggled with focusing on the reason for celebrating these Holidays. I was extremely distracted, and my mind seemed to be constantly racing and my life, a blur. Jesus, forgive me for neglecting to see you in these seasons and for focusing on the stresses that come with adoption, when really I should have given it all to you. May this be the year that I learn how to completely surrender to You. "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

It wasn't long (less than a month) when we found out we were going to Korea!!! We received our first "Travel Call" on December 10th and were notified of our Court Date and when we would get to meet Ephraim!!! There is much to be said about the emotions I have been experiencing lately (haha), from happiness to depression, from excitement to anxiety, from hope to fear....trying to wrap my mind around the fact that our sweet Ephraim is not only losing his family (the only family he's ever known...the ones who have loved him, cared for him, been there through all of the late nights, early mornings, diaper changes, feedings, messes, sicknesses, first steps, first words, tears, pain, giggles, and joy), but he's also losing his birth family (whom he never even got to know....does he have her smile or his?), he's losing his country and he's losing his culture.....and then the tears come....my heart hurts for him. Some days I wonder if we're doing the right thing....taking him away from it all. I can't completely wrap my mind it. The heaviness of it all that weighs on my heart is sometimes unbearable. My heart aches for his foster mom....his eomma...and for his appa. How will they bear to let him go?....or the complete silence and stillness when they return home? We knew with adoption that there can't be gain without loss....but until you're there yourself...I truly don't believe you will fully understand. And then I think about our Heavenly Father. I think about Jesus, His one and only Son. I think about the cross and what had to happen in order for there to be gain. And then my situation really doesn't compare. Thank you, Abba, Father, for humbling me before Your throne....for helping my small, insufficient mind try to comprehend the weight of what You did for an unworthy sinner like me. Thank you for using earthly adoption to bring You glory....in more ways than one. → "Adoption: The Heart of the Gospel"

We are overwhelmed by the generosity, kindness, love, support, but mostly, the prayers of our family and friends. For allowing the Holy Spirit to move you into helping further His kingdom. For praying over us and for Ephraim ("For where two or three gather in My Name, there I am with them." Matthew 18:20). For opening up your hearts (and your homes). We don't seem to have the words....we are simply overwhelmed and ever grateful.

"May the Lord bless you
   and keep you;
may the Lord make His face shine upon you
   and be gracious to you;
may the Lord turn His face toward you
   and give you peace." (Numbers 6:24-26)

Please continue praying as we leave for Korea next Friday!!!